I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it's not cheating when I paid for it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
