so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
