dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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