a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
