I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
