I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
