my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
