sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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