its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
