I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
