I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
