hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just had sex bonerless
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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