Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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