i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
