I want to stick my p in your. b.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
BRING THE BAGELS
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
