I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
