I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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