Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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