she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
