i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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