I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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