I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
