The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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