How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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