Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
