also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
