3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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