Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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