haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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