nut hugger
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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