What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
