We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She bit a glass in half.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
