you traded sex for a burrito?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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