Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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