I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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