ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize