I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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