i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
