I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's never too late to be topless.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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