I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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