i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
