The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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