If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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