Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
