I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
