Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
