Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
