I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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