I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
