Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
