youre lurking in front of me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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