I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize