You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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