sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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