weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
be right there i have to get my cape
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
