just tell him i said nine months
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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