The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
