the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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