Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
