I puked a lego.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
