i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
