WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
