I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
