My liver just broke up with me...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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