And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
false alarm, still single
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
