my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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