he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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