did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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