This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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