i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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