now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
