I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
