Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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