I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
