Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So much rum. So many feels.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
