Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
