im gay
i know
yea but for you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
