i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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