I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
