mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Let's paint friendship bongs
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
